The Tug of War of Becoming a Working Mom

The Tug of War of Becoming a Working Mom

I always thought the one thing I would forever be good at, was being a mom. That I would be the mom who did every activity with her kids possible. The stay at home, dinner ready at 5:30, clean house, play outside all day every day, kind of mom. 

I’m not.

It is one of the hardest truths I have had to accept about myself. I love my kids. I love my kids more than I thought it was possible to love anything. And I want to do everything with them.

But I also want to work.

I wouldn’t let myself admit that for the longest time. And it was causing me to be a terrible mom. I was stressed, I was mean, I would snap, I couldn’t focus when I was with them because I was still thinking of all the work things I needed to do. Some moms can be work at home moms and freaking rock it.

I can’t.

I struggled with the idea of being a working mom because I had been a stay at home mom and a work at home mom for the past 2 and a half years. I had been with my girls almost every day their whole lives. Would they think I didn’t want to be with them? Would they feel like I didn’t love them? Would I feel like I was letting someone else raise my kids? What would other people think?

No. No. No. And I don’t care.

Of course they know I want to be with them. Of course they know I love them. Sure I feel guilty sometimes but I am their MOM. And I really don’t care about what other people think of me following my dreams. I am not apologizing for having audacious dreams. 

Thank you Rachel Hollis.

The girls love their new daycare. Mommy gets to work on her dreams. When they get older, they will see they can do anything too. I’m not a working mom. I’m not a stay at home mom. I’m not a work at home mom.

I am a mom.

Finding Your God Moments

Finding Your God Moments

God called me to start this blog. God called me to follow my dream of speaking. God called me to be a mom. God called me to be a wife.

And you might be asking, BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

If only He could just call us and be like “Hey, Lauren, this is my plan for you!” And then I could be like “Oh, thanks, now I know exactly what I need to do! Thanks God!” And I go on my happy way and conquer the world. Well it isn’t that easy. But, it’s pretty dang close. 

I’m a big follow your heart type of girl. Common sense. Instincts. Intuition. Trust your gut. Whatever you want to call it, do it. There have been actual studies on this and books written on it. My therapist told me the name of one but I can’t for the life of me remember what it’s called or find it. But one book I listened to recently that talked a lot about this was The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It was life changing. But seriously, have you ever thought you should do one thing, then let your brain get in the way, then after the fact realized you should have trusted your instinct? Best example, ordering food. You know the feeling I’m talking about, when you can’t decide and you order the steak and veggies then your food comes and you realize you should have ordered the chicken Oscar? This is my dilemma at my birthday dinner every year in case you were wondering. 

When I get this feeling in the depths of my soul about something, I do something crazy. I LISTEN TO IT! Because, I have learned that it’s God. Maybe not about the steak and chicken, but about things like having another baby (talking about when we tried for Auden mom 😉), when I went full time with my photography, when I started this blog, when I need to talk to Dominic about something bothering me, when I did my first speaking events, and so many other things. 

Sometimes when I am doubting myself, and God is like “Oh no, I don’t think so.” He get’s a little bit more direct, and it’s usually through music. Like to the point where I can’t even control the music in my car. It’s almost a bit creepy. Or when I’m running and about to give up or thinking about something that has been bothering me. It’s like he knows what I need to hear.

That’s what happens for me. Your God moments, are probably completely different than mine. The only thing you can do is open your mind to them. Be accepting of them. Don’t brush them off. God is always talking to us. We just aren’t always listening.

3 Ways of Getting Past Feeling Too Opposite in Your Relationship

Ever heard the saying “opposites attract”? It can be true, and when it is, it doesn’t mean the relationship is easy. Well, is any relationship easy? But, being opposite from your partner can feel like one of the biggest roadblocks there is. Here are my top 3 to guide your way through this obstacle.

  1. Communicate. This is my solution to basically every marital problem there is. Just talk! Neither person in the relationship is a mind reader, your partner has NO IDEA what is wrong, how you are feeling, or even aware you are feeling any type of upset. They might have an idea that something might be wrong, but they won’t KNOW until you talk about it. Check out my blog “How to Communicate with a Quiet Husband” for all of my communication tips.
  2. While you are communicating, make a plan. Make a plan for when those differences start causing issues. One of Dominic and I’s biggest differences is money. But we have a similarity in that both of us are AWFUL at budgeting. We have tried everything out there short of hiring someone (I wanted to, he didn’t, difference). So we sat down and came up with a plan to figure out what worked for US. Playing on our strengths and creating a support for our weaknesses. Basically what it comes down to, is I like to shop, and when we are trying to save money, Dominic believes in just not spending ANY money, which almost makes me start to feel claustrophobic and any itty bitty tiny thing extra I would buy, I would feel INCREDIBLY guilty. So we came up with a middle ground, and it is working great!
  3. Remind yourself why you love them. Those little quirks, are probably one of the things you LOVED about your partner when you first started dating. Make a list of why you fell in love with them. I bet those reasons you feel like you are too opposite, are some of the reasons you fell in love. One thing I love about Dominic is that he is so laid back. But he doesn’t like getting dressed up. I love doing my hair and make up, getting my nails done, and getting dressed up. And I started to wonder if it was a turn off for him. If he wanted someone more…simple? So I asked him. He looked at me like I was crazy. You know what he told me, he loves when I do because he knows I like it. And as much as he loves my yoga pants (read that, my butt in yoga pants), he likes seeing me all dressed up too.

It’s okay to be different than your spouse. It’s what gives your relationship dimension. Encouragement to grow. To change. To still be “you”, while still being “we”.

Ending My Last Nursing Journey

Ending My Last Nursing Journey

I’m back! I know, you thought I dropped off of the face of the Earth. I promise, I’m still here. We’ve been working on some remodels for the website and it took a little longer than I had planned on. But, I’m back, and not going anywhere!

A lot happened during my little hiatus, but the most recent big change in our lives has been for the first time in 43 months, I am not pregnant or nursing. For the first time in 43 months, my diet is not dictated by a tiny human! Hello cheese! Okay, not really because now my body doesn’t like dairy, but it’s cool. I’ll just continue to stare longingly at cheese…

We made it almost 14 months this time, which I am kind of sad about. If you had a hard breastfeeding journey, you probably want to punch me in the face. But it isn’t the fact that I couldn’t nurse longer, it’s the fact that neither Auden or I were emotionally ready to be done. She’s handling it just fine now, but I feel like my body betrayed me because I started getting a nursing aversion again. You can read all about the nursing aversion that ended Sutton and I’s nursing journey in an abrupt and painful way. But I’m not pregnant (trust me, I checked). Yet I could feel the beginning stages of that panic rising up in me every time I nursed.

Was it because I had been off my medicine for my postpartum depression and anxiety for a couple months? Was it because this is just how my body is? Why was this happening to me AGAIN?

But then the question arises in me, would ending this bond between her and I, no matter what the circumstances, be easy? If she ended it I would feel like I was being rejected. Ending it myself feels like I am taking away the one thing she has known as her biggest comfort since the day she was born. Ending anything, is HARD! So. Freaking. Hard.

But what I didn’t think about at the beginning of this blog that I now remember, is just because ending something is hard. Doesn’t mean it is wrong.

I can still comfort her. She still loves me and wants to cuddle. 

I think one of the hardest parts of the entire process, was that when I weaned Sutton, I was pregnant, so I didn’t have to worry about the pain of drying up.

Ya’ll, I thought I was going to DIE! I was so engorged, I had blocked ducts so big I had convinced myself I had developed the fastest growing tumor ever and I had cancer. The thought of mastitis was in my head for a hot second before it skipped straight to cancer. Yes, I know, that’s just how my over reactive mind works. 

But some ice packs, cabbage, tight bras, and hand pumping for comfort did the trick and my boobs are completely gone. 

Time to finally get to go bra shopping! Because my DD bras from post kids won’t work. My stretched out nursing bras from DDD and probably E boobs won’t work. I now need to go find some nice 34 B bras. Yup. 34 B. The things we give up for our kids….

Tips & Tricks

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